For The Dilectio of Deus(2)

Drums perceived,Heart pumped,Impulse generated

Eyes champing at the bit

For the one whose vocal made me “up-seat”


Eyeballs rotating round and round

Scrutinizing the place where “noone was around”

Leaving no stone unturned,I cried in agitation

Someone patted over my back;raising my palpitations


Closing my eyes I managed to turn around

Eyesballs bigger than usual,Hairs stood erect

Veins experiencing a better flow

Legs shivering amidst the heavenly glow

Oh god!I was captivated,eyes shut and low

Something invaded me,I slept,I was slow


Eyes opened in what we call a fantasy world

Clouds whiter than those on the earth

Sky blued to an up-level,Oh!It did flirt

Birds chirping in silvery tone

Roads stashed with smoke and flowers

Oh!Atleast here “I was not all alone”


“Welcome to my place” the well-built man murmured

An iota of sarcasm in his eyes

My mind speculated,impulses triggered

But my wife,my daughter,my parents;what about them?

I mumbled firmly balancing my shivering legs

He smiled and directed me to walk among those white beds

Wait a minute!Did I appear him a fool?

Or is he just using me as his tool?


Where are we walking,to dine at heaven or be dined at hell?”I strengthened to speak

“Welcome to heaven chap”he smiled and thrice did he repeat

“For the love of you god” I do believe

“Not for the dilectio of deus chap” I conform and relieve



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40 thoughts on “For The Dilectio of Deus(2)

  1. The ending, as others have said is very good. A nice play with words and its a lot more succint that the rest of the poem. A good try at rhyming, though some lines were longer than the others and the meter was not always working. All that can be forgiven though since the tactile images you drew were pretty good. You can write much better. Keep trying!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. P.S. I think that in the line ”roads stashed with smoke and flowers” the word you needed was ‘mist’ or ‘fog cloud’ and not smoke. You are describing heaven where everything is unearthly, ethreal, pure and beautiful. Smoke stands weird amongst every other paraphernalia you used to describe heaven. There are a lot of other improvements you can make really, specially so with the rhyme and the choice of words. The language can be made more lucid. There are a few places where you have used wrong tenses. For example of we rewrite the second paragraph:

        Eyes wide and head swimming round,
        I scrutinized the place. No one was around.
        Having searched every niche, I cried in agiation;
        A sudden pat on my back raised my palpitations.

        This is not perfect by any sense. But you can feel that the flow of words is more lucid and the drama feels more real.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Yeah you are right I made several mistakes here.I will definitely go through it and ke desired changes.I cannot stop thanking you.You read with such commitment and invested your time in writing the comment to help me in making my work lucid,fluent and beautifull.Very few do this.I know there are ample of grammar mistakes and that’s what worries me always.But I am just learning to minimise them as much as possible.Will consider all your points to make a better work.Whenever will need any help regarding my post,will definitely contact you.Can I just know your name please?It would be easy in conversation

        Liked by 2 people

      3. You have the potential for a good writer, but it’s good if there is someone to lead you through mistakes or can help you with your texts! My english isn’t that good, so I can’t help you, but you already found someone and that’s good! Keep writing… 😉
        Best regards, Heidi

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks a lot for the poem as well as for the appreciation.About english I cannot say actually.May be because of my schooling and my wish to learn and speak.I am flattered.

        Like

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